Effects of Divorce

Divorce is comparable to the death of a parent in terms of stress. Stressors include:
Preceding marital strife
Break-up of the home
Psychological demands of having two homes
Lowered standard of living
Loss of non custodial parent (father)
Parental stress
Custodial visitation battles
Pressure to take sides
Chronic after-shock

Developmental Considerations

The Greater the degree of change, the more destructive the results. Children 3 to 5:
Frightened and insecure
Nightmares and fears
Regression
Clinging behavior
Temper tantrums
Change in eating and sleeping habits

Developmental Considerations

Children 6 to 8 years:
Feelings of sadness and loss
Generalized anxiety
Difficulty with school work
Feelings of abandonment
Angry over perceived rejection
Denial over what is happening
Engage in self-blame

Developmental Considerations

Children 9 to 12 years:
Feel sense of loss
Rejected and powerless
Helpless and lonely
Ashamed and embarrassed about the divorce
Manifest psychosomatic symptoms
Anger
Blame one parent
Power struggles with authority figures

Seven Concerns Commonly Identified in Children's Responses to Divorce

Fear:What will happen to me and who will care for me
Sadness or Loss: Tearful, show signs of depression, sleeping and eating disturbances, hope for a reconciliation
Feelings of Responsibility: A parents rely on their children for support, sharing inner most thoughts, feelings, and fears, adolescent takes on and adult role

Seven Concerns Commonly Identified in Children's Responses to Divorce

Loneliness: Adults preoccupied with their own needs distance themselves psychologically and physically from their children.
Rejection: Children blame themselves for the divorce; question their own loveability and self-worth

Seven Concerns Commonly Identified in Children's Responses to Divorce

Conflicting Loyalities: Wish to maintain relationship with both parents; parents may compete for their child's attention and love
Anger: Expressed through temper tantrums (children) or verbal attacks (adolescents).

The Chain of Events in the Divorce Process

Marital conflict
Disorganization associated with separation
Changes in the family following the divorce
One or more relocations
Changes in parental relationships
Changes in loss of peer relationships, and
Introduction of next relationship (stepfamily)

Children's Adjustment to Divorce

The following variables need to be in place if children are to make a reasonable adjust to the stresses of divorce:
Strong economic support,
Social support,
Minimal environmental change,
Positive parental divorce relationship, and
Effective parenting skills

Long-term Effects of Divorce

?One-third of students do relatively well after the initial crisis. They regain their self-esteem, academic performance and growth continue, and they form healthy peer relationships. The majority have a multitude of problems - poor academic performance, negative peer relationships, even delinquency and criminal behavior can result. All children are affected by it.

Seven Areas Effecting Children's Ability to Cope with Divorce:

Health Related Issues: Changes in eating habits and sleeping patterns, changes in the home, headaches, stomachaches, crying spells, sleeping in class, request to visit the nurse
Emotions: Emotions and feelings they may not understand - fear, sadness, sense of loss, increased responsibility, loneliness, rejection, abandonment

Seven Areas Effecting Children's Ability to Cope with Divorce:

Academic Learning: Grades drop, difficulty staying focused, unprepared
Peer Relationships: Take out anger and frustration out on peers, difficulty making new friends
Images: picture themselves as the cause of the divorce, low self worth, emotional distraught

Seven Areas Effecting Children's Ability to Cope with Divorce:

Faulty cognition:
Once people marry they should never get divorced
When parents divorce, their children are the cause
When parents divorce, their children are the cause
Children can get their parents together again if they behave better
When a pare tit leaves, that parent is rejecting the child
Children should keep the divorce secret

Children have a number of psychological tasks to resolve to achieve a state of acceptance

Acknowledge the reality of the breakup
Disengage from parental conflict and resume routine pursuits
Resolve the losses
Work through anger and self-blame
Accept the permanence of the divorce
Achieve realistic hope regarding relationships

Strengths Children Need to Learn

Information
The meaning of divorce and family
All families have problems sometimes
Many children experience divorce
Family problems are not their fault
Children cannot fix serious family problems (reunite their parents)
Talking helps address fears
Parents still love their children
Tough times will not last forever

Strengths Children Need to Learn

Communication Skills Development
You have the right to love both of your parents
You have the right to express your feelings
You have the right to share with others
You have the right to be physically safe
You have the right to refuse being a messenger between parents
You have the right to ask others for help

Strengths Children Need to Learn

Problem Solving and Feeling Management
Encourage to identify a share a wide range of feelings
Use problem solving and the 3R's Decision Making
Face problems related to sibling rivalry, hurt feelings, broken promises, academic failures, conflicting loyalties, and being home alone

Using 3 R's Decision Making

STEP 1: STOP (Identify and describe their problem or challenge)
STEP 2: THINK ( Brainstorm and filter solutions to the problem using the Right, Reality,
and Responsibility filters.)
STEP 3: GO (Select a solution or solutions that are based on right vs wrong, reality vs myth,
and responsibility vs desire. Implement and evaluate your solution(s).)

Latchkey Children: Home Alone Syndrome

Some Pertinent Skills:
Answer the phone when home alone;
Answer the door when home alone;
Make emergency 911 phone calls;
Practice basic first aid;
Discriminate between emergency and non emergency situations
Make an activity schedule to follow while home alone

Latchkey Children: Home Alone Syndrome

Organize space for recreation, homework, and hobbies
Care for younger brother and sisters
Openly discuss feelings of fear, loneliness, anxiety, and boredom and ways to respond to them

Latchkey Children: Home Alone Syndrome

Play the "What If" game:
"What if?the lights go out?"
"What if?a stranger came to your door and wants to use your phone?"
'1What if....the telephone rings and the caller asks to speak to your mother?"
"What if?there is a fire in your house?"
"What if...your sister gets a minor cut?"